Red Flags vs. Butterflies: Warning Signs in Relationships
Hello, beautiful beings made of stardust! This month, similarly to last month, I would like to write about flags, this time the red ones. I believe we have all been in this place, where we ignored little signs that something was not quite right but couldn’t really put our finger on it. Am I right?
It is hard to recognize red flags when we are right in the middle of it, full of pleasant hormones and tummy butterflies, but hopefully, by shining light on some of these red flags, it will be easier to identify them:
They start isolating you from people who are dear to you - it usually happens slowly, and firstly, it might even feel flattering that they want to spend so much time together; however, this feeling will soon fade. They might start to make nasty comments about your friends or family, and suddenly you realize you are spending much less time with people that are important to you. Remember this: anyone who tries to cut loose relationships that lift you up, supportive and loving, is not looking out for your best interests.
Criticism disguised as “jokes” - Do you know those stinging comments that feel hurtful and leave you feeling like you are too sensitive and then are brushed off as jokes? Well, we all have our blind spots and wounds that still need healing, and poking at them is not something that someone that is supposed to lift you up should be doing, let alone laugh about it. If it feels hurtful, it probably is.
Being dismissive of your needs - this could be someone who does not fall through on promises, canceling plans last minute, making you feel like you are not important, rather more like just an option. If your partner is unreliable and does not care about your time or your needs, they are showing exactly what you mean to them, and you should not be in a relationship where you are just an afterthought.
Possessiveness - feeling jealousy now and then is one thing; we are all humans with insecurities, but if your partner keeps accusing you, checking your phone, or interrogating you, this is controlling and ultimately can become suffocating. If your partner acts like they own you, that is not love expressing itself; that is control and a massive red flag.
Walking on eggshells - this is one of the biggest red flags. There is this constant worry about how your partner will react and will avoid conversations or topics to keep the peace. You deserve a partner with whom you feel safe and comfortable, not like you are navigating a minefield trying to avoid a blow-up.
Lack of communication or manipulation - it is not okay for your partner to shut down, refusing to talk things through. Sometimes people need a little time to process certain conversations; we all have our boundaries and times; however, when that turns into guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or making you the responsible one for their happiness, that is called emotional manipulation. You are not your partner's therapist or punchbag; you deserve a partner who is honest, open, and willing to work through things with you.
What should you do if you spot these red flags, you ask? Well, first and foremost, trust your gut. Talk to your partner about your concerns, but also be ready to recognize when things are not going to change. Also, do not be afraid to reach out to friends, family, or a counsellor for support - sometimes an outside perspective can help you see things clearly.
Relationships will have their ups and downs, but throughout you should feel supported and loved even in the hard times of life.
So tell me, have you ever experienced any of these red flags in a relationship? What helped you recognize them in the middle of it all? Let me know your thoughts or questions in the comments.