It's Not About Being Picked: How to Find a Counsellor Who Actually Fits

Looking for a counsellor can feel oddly like applying for a job you're not sure you're qualified for.

You scroll through profiles. You read bios that all seem to say "safe, supportive space." You wonder whether your stuff is serious enough to bother a professional with. You wonder whether you're "ready." And somewhere in there, a small voice asks: what if they don't want to work with me?

So let me say the thing I wish more people heard before they started looking:

It's not about being picked. It's about whether we're a good fit.

You don't have to earn a spot

There's no minimum level of struggle required for counselling. You don't need a diagnosis, a crisis, or a perfectly articulated reason.

Some people come in because life has fallen apart. Plenty of others come in because:

• They keep having the same argument, just with different furniture.

• They're the person everyone calls, and nobody calls them.

• A big change is coming (a separation, a move, an empty nest, a new role) and they'd like a thinking partner.

• They'd like one hour a week where someone is only on their side.

• Things are okay, and they'd like them to be better.

All of those are good reasons. You're not taking a spot from someone "more deserving."

Fit matters more than finding the "best" therapist

There isn't one best therapist. There are therapists whose way of working suits the way you want to work.

Some people want a quiet, reflective room with a lot of space. Some want structure, worksheets and homework. Some want someone who'll laugh with them, notice patterns out loud, and occasionally ask the question they've been stepping around. None of those preferences is more "ready" or more "serious" than another. They're just different.

Here's how I work, so you can decide whether it sounds like your kind of room:

• Warm and direct. I'll be kind, and I'll also tell you what I'm noticing.

• Humour is welcome. Sometimes the most honest thing in a session is how absurd a situation is. Laughing doesn't mean I'm not taking you seriously.

• Patterns and perspective. I like helping people notice the stories they tell about themselves and consider another angle.

• At your pace. Challenge, for me, is collaborative. I'll ask the harder question, and you always get to decide what we do with it.

If that sounds like too much, that's genuinely useful information. It means you're looking for something different, and you deserve to find it.

Questions worth asking any counsellor (including me)

A consult call isn't only for the counsellor to learn about you. It's for you to find out whether their approach fits. You can read these straight off your screen. Nobody will mind.

1. "How would you describe the way you work?"

2. "What might the first few sessions look like?"

3. "What happens if something isn't working for me?"

4. "Have you worked with people dealing with [the thing I'm bringing]?"

5. "Do you offer online sessions, in-person, or both?"

6. "What are your fees and your cancellation policy?"

7. "How will we know whether it's helping?"

A good counsellor will welcome these questions. If someone seems annoyed by them, that's also useful information.

What to notice after the call

Forget whether you "performed" well. Pay attention to how you felt:

• Did you feel heard, even a little?

• Did their way of talking suit you?

• Could you imagine telling this person something difficult?

• Did you leave with a sense of what working together might look like?

You don't need a lightning bolt. "I could see myself talking to this person" is plenty to start with.

If you're wondering about working with me

I'm Elizabeth Nardella, a Registered Social Worker and a Registered Clinical Counsellor with more than 15 years of counselling experience. I spent much of my career working with children and families, and I now work with more adult women too, often around caregiving, boundaries, relationships, overwhelm and life transitions.

I offer counselling online and in person in South Surrey. The first step is a free virtual consult: a conversation, not a commitment. You don't have to prepare anything or know exactly what to say.

And if we're not the right fit, that's a good outcome too. The goal was never to be picked. It was to find the right room. Click here to book your free online consult

Elizabeth Nardella, RSW , RCC· Elizabeth Nardella Counselling