When your body says "No" but your mouth says "yes"
It's time to talk about boundaries
Does your body keep telling you ”I can’t do this” while your mouth keeps saying “Sure, no problem”? If so, I want you to take a breath with me and read this carefully:
This isn’t a character flaw.
It’s not you being weak or dramatic.
It’s not you “overthinking”.
It’s your nervous system trying to protect you in the only way it knows how.
“But why do I do this?” you may ask.
Well, maybe you learned early on that keeping everyone happy and comfortable was the safest thing to do. Maybe you were praised for being easygoing, flexible, or unproblematic. Maybe you learned that love, acceptance, or safety depended on how agreeable you could be.
If this resonates with you, saying “yes” has probably felt easier than dealing with the discomfort that comes with saying “no”.
But your body hasn’t forgotten what your limits are. It tells you every time - as a tight chest, as the tension on your jaw, as the heaviness in your stomach. You’ve just been taught to overlook it.
Why does my body tell the truth before my voice does?
When you feel that internal pull, that subtle “no”, you’re picking up on your own limits. Your body recognizes stress, emotional weight, or that you’re feeling overwhelmed, even before you consciously realize it.
But if you’ve spent years keeping the peace or making yourself smaller to avoid conflict, your voice doesn’t always follow your body's lead. It freezes. It softens. It agrees. Almost feels like it's stronger than you. This doesn’t mean you’re weak or that you want to. It just means you’ve learned it feels safer.
I want you to know: Your needs matter
Your boundaries are not about shutting people out. They are about letting yourself be fully present without stretching yourself thin. They are about connection, not distance. They are about honesty, not conflict. And you deserve that honesty, especially from yourself.
A softer way to begin noticing your boundaries:
You don’t need to radically change your whole life, you can start with small moments:
Notice what your body does even if you still say “yes”: Does your breath catch? Do you feel pressure behind your eyes? Do you suddenly feel tired? These are all cues of a quiet “no” that exists inside you, even if you don’t speak it out loud.
Whisper the truth to yourself first: You don’t need to act on it immediately, just acknowledge it. You can whisper to yourself, “I don’t have the energy for this” or “I want to rest”, for example.
Make room for small pauses: Instead of answering right away, try things like “let me get back to you”, “my day is full, can I think about it?” or “I need to check in with myself first”. A pause is a boundary, a soft one, but a boundary nonetheless.
Let yourself feel awkward: Remember, you are not doing anything wrong, you’re just doing something new.
Repair without abandoning yourself: If the way you said “no” didn’t land how you wanted, you can still stay true to the boundary you just settled. You can try something like “My boundary is still the same, and I care about us”. This is care, for you, for them, and for the relationship.
What boundaries can sound like when they are soft but honest
Boundaries can be gentle, here are some examples you can use:
Work: “I appreciate you thinking of me, and I don’t have the capacity for this right now.”
Friends: ”I want to see you, and I also need to slow down this week. Can we plan for next weekend?”
Family: “That topic feels heavy for me. Can we talk about something else?“
Invitations: ”I’m going to pass this time, but thank you for including me”
Relationships: “I care about you, and I need time to process before responding“
These examples are not harsh. They are honest, and they help you make sure your needs are met, without hurting anyone’s feelings.
If the word “No” brings you anxiety, guilt, or fear
It’s so common that saying “no” causes some kind of discomfort for us. Especially for women and anyone who learned early on that their role was to make life smoother for others.
You are not imagining it: saying “no” can feel dangerous when you weren’t allowed to have needs growing up. But know that every small boundary you practice now, teaches your nervous system that you are safe: safe to pause. Safe to rest. Safe to be honest. Safe to exist without performing.
Something most people forget: boundaries deepen connection
When someone knows where you truly stand, they know when your “yes” is real. This creates more trust, not less. Boundaries don’t push people away. They create relationships that feel mutual instead of one-sided. They create space for intimacy, not distance.
It makes sense that it feels overwhelming
Setting boundaries asks you to unlearn patterns that kept you safe for years, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed by it. Remember that you don’t have to do it all at once, you just have to start noticing your truth again, even if it’s just quietly at first.